Posts Tagged marriage
Thoughts on The Five Love Languages
Posted by Leigh Anne in Book Review on November 10, 2010
The author of this book, Gary Chapman, became aware of the five love languages from years of experience as a counselor and studying anthropology. He was counseling a particular couple when it dawned on him that they both showed and received love in different ways. Thus, this book was eventually written.
We’ve all been in love. We become completely smitten with another person. We can’t eat, we can’t sleep, we think of them 24/7. We even drop everything we care about in order to spend time with this person doing the things they love. Then we get married…..and we wonder where that “in love” feeling went. Chapman addresses this in the third chapter of his book. He calls this the in-love experience and feels the longest it can last is about 2 years. And if in those 2 years you don’t learn your spouse’s love language, trouble can begin.
The love languages include:
Words of Affirmation – Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten
Quality Time – In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving gifts – Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service – Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch – This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
I enjoyed this book and would recommend it to those who are not having issues in their marriage as well a those who are. It not only helps you show love in the most meaningful way to your spouse, but also teaches you a bit about your own needs. The author makes clear that you cannot demand love, but only request and hope that it is given. This book is simply written and a quick, easy read. The ideas within are simple yet logical and insightful.
Joel and I learned we have the same love language, Quality Time. My secondary love language is Acts of Service. These things I mostly knew of myself, but I did not guess his correctly AT ALL 
I think there is something to be learned and implemented from this book in my marriage and it can only gain from doing so.
At the end of the book there is an assessment for both husband and wife so that you can determine both love languages. Very useful. You can also take the test (and other test) on the Five Love Languages website.
13 Worst Marriage Proposals – Because when you treat marriage like a game…
Posted by Joel in Other Posts on August 5, 2010
Ladies, if your husband flirts, doll yourself up and don’t hassle him about it
Posted by Joel in False Prophets on June 12, 2010
Pastoral advice from Pat Robertson:
The Transcript?
TERRY MEEUWSEN (co-host): Pat, this is from Anne who says, “My husband has always been a flirt and loves to talk with other women he finds attractive. He says he would never cheat on me but his actions are starting to get to me. What should I do?
ROBERTSON: Anne, first thing is you need to make yourself as attractive as possible and don’t hassle him about it. And why is he doing this? Well, he’s doing it because he wants affirmation that he is still a man, that he is attractive — and he gets an affirmation of himself. That means he’s got an inferiority complex that’s coming out. And he’s not gonna cheat on you. He’s just playing.
But you need to not drive him away or start hassling and hounding on him, but make yourself as beautiful as you can, as fun as you can, and say let’s go out here, let’s go there, let’s go to the other thing. So — and Terry disagrees.
MEEUWSEN: That’s a lot more grace than I do, Anne. Let me just say we’d be having a serious conversation.
ROBERTSON: Affirmation. Affirmation, dear heart.
Again, let me say that it is not homosexuals destroying ‘traditional’ marriage.
Traditional Marriage: What makes us think we’ve finally gotten it right?
Posted by Joel in Debate/Discussion on March 15, 2010
Great question:
I’ve just finished reading most of Marriage and the Family in the Middle Ages, by Frances and Joseph Gies; about one-third of the book was devoted to life among the nobility, and so I skipped past those chapters. But the rest is very good, especially because it takes the time to set the stage by describing the marriage and family patterns among the groups that fed into medieval society, mainly Greeks and Romans and Germans and Christians.
It turns out that those pre-medieval patterns of marriage were very much different from what we see as normal today, and that many of the important shifts came during the Middle Ages, usually in response to shifting economic circumstances…..
You might take a gander and read it a bit:
What makes us think we’ve finally gotten it right? « Dry Creek Chronicles.
Remember, ‘Traditional Marriage’ isn’t all that ‘traditional.’
Oklahoma Conservatives want Government out of Marriage
Posted by Joel in Religion and Politics on March 9, 2010
Republican members proposed three pieces of legislation imposing new regulations on marriage and divorce in Oklahoma. Two of the measures were defeated, but another — requiring counseling for those planning to wed, and therapy sessions for couples considering divorce — is awaiting action.
The issue has produced sharp clashes among conservative colleagues who normally find themselves in agreement. The debates have featured charges of hypocrisy and of betraying Republican principles against government intrusion into private lives.
“How far do I want government to come into my home and your home about private personal matters?” asked Rep. Leslie Osborn, a Republican from Tuttle, in a debate. She referred to state government as a “huge monster.”
Read the rest here:
The Associated Press: Okla. conservatives debate divorce legislation.
HT who blogs here.
Unexpected News: Marriage more stable than cohabitation
Posted by Joel in Religious News on February 22, 2010
Cohabitation is a less stable form of relationship today than it was 15 years ago and particularly for couples with children, says relationships charity The Jubilee Centre.
A fresh analysis of national data by the centre shows that cohabitations are rarely a long term lifestyle choice and the vast majority last only a short time before being converted into marriage or dissolving.
Marriage more stable than cohabitation, research finds.
Is Marriage Bliss? No, Marriage is Sanctification
Posted by Joel in Devotional on February 20, 2010
Is marriage bliss? No, bliss is fantasy. It is what thrill seekers alway need yet never find. It is what makes hallucinogens appealing to some people. It is charismatic experience in and of itself. It does not make you who God intends on making you.
via Is Marriage Bliss? No, Marriage is Sanctification « Near Emmaus: Christ and Text.
And excellent post!
